This past weekend we had the privilege of worshipping with my cousin and his wife at their church in Crossville. Their church had such a sweet spirit and their pastor had a great sermon on why one can trust the Bible. While there were many points that spoke to me one statement made by their pastor really spoke to me. “I dare you to read the Bible and see if it won’t change your life.”

Part of the reason I know I was open to being obedient to God’s calling for adoption was due to the year of my life I invested in reading the Bible ( I did read the Bible and it did change my life). Patrick and I along with some fellow believers chose to follow the Radical Experiment’s Read Through the Bible plan (check out David Platt and Brook Hills Church).

Our journey of reading God’s complete word began May 17, 2010 and ended May 21, 2011.

During this year of being in God’s word diligently, God was able to do a lot of work in this girl’s heart, soul and life. The God who created this universe, parted the Red Sea, sent his only son to die for the sins of man, is the same God who took this lump of clay and began reshaping me in new ways. “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand,” Isaiah 64:8. “Behold like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand,” Jeremiah 18: 6.

What I know now is that during this year, October 2010, a beautiful little girl was walked to an orphanage in the mountains of Haiti. She was too young to totally understand what this walk would mean but her family walked her there and turned around and walked back home without her. God knew what this walk meant; the Fiveash’s daughter was now in a place for her parents to come because this was about the same time I agreed to go to Haiti. While God was taking this lump of clay and was pinching here, pounding there, gently reshaping there, God was holding my beautiful third child in his loving arms as she left everything she ever knew and began a new season of her life in the orphanage.

There are not enough words to thank God for being my potter! I am still lumpy in a lot of places and oh how excited I am to see how God continues to reshape me!!

So my challenge to each of you reading this, feel free to pass on this challenge, “I dare you to read the Bible and see if it won’t change your life!”. Who knows what God has waiting on you!

Neica's Birth Certificate

We received Neica’s birth certificate this week. I know she is alive; I have met her, held her, and loved on her however it was “surreal” to see her birth certificate.

This document also held a few pleasant surprises. First, she is only four months older than Grey. We thought she was younger. Grey is super excited that Neica and he are the same age, already asking to be in the same class at school with Mrs. Day as their teacher. Secondly, she has a summer birthday. In the Fiveash house, with the exception of Patrick, we have winter birthdays. The kids and I are always talking about the fun of a summer birthday party and now we will get to have one!

Another detail that was surreal was to see her father and mother’s names. I know they existed or she would not be alive but to see their names…..It also struck me her birth mother and I were pregnant at the same time. In two countries, in two very different worlds, two of my children were living in two separate wombs. I do not pretend or even begin to understand God but as the Spirit of God spoke to me about this reality I thought, “for you knew my inner parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb” Psalm 139 :13. God chose to knit one of my children together in the womb of another woman and Praise be to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

I have thought of Neica’s birth mother a lot this week. How was her pregnancy? Grey was not an easy pregnancy and he did not want to be born. I had to be induced at 40 weeks and that child was climbing up in the birth canal! He also got into distress due to the umbilical cord being around his neck. I was blessed with American nurses, a doctor and a hospital that were able to successfully deliver my Grey alive. I cannot imagine Neica’s birth; dirt floor or wooden floor, inside or outside, was her mother alone? But I praise God for her safe delivery and for the woman who gave her life so that Neica could become a part of our family.

The Difference a Year Makes

One year ago today, on my 40^th birthday, my life forever changed.

God had been working on my heart to trust him in all things especially in areas where I am somewhat fearful, say traveling to a third world country. I am not the most adventurous traveler; I inherited that from my father not my mother, but I knew God wanted me to take a trip to Haiti. I paid my trip fees, got all of my shots, got a passport and agreed to take a step of faith.

Prior to leaving on February 5, 2011, I was experiencing a very real attack of the devil. The devil was playing with my fear of traveling with Patrick which left our children behind. What if something happened? How would life play out for Zadie and Grey? I sure was dancing with the devil in regards to my fear of traveling abroad however I was determined to stand in my God’s promise that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him,” Romans 8:28. I stood in his word in the book of Joshua, “be strong and courageous”; you know God tells us those very words four times in the first chapter of Joshua. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go,” Joshua 1: 9.

I knew he would be with me so off to Haiti I went.

There are not books, blogs, videos or pictures that prepare you for Haiti. You come face to face with poverty that is not present in America but what is the most challenging is the faith of Haitian Christians! Could I stand, praise and worship God with these words: “My God is my everything!!” I heard that statement repeated from men, women and children. Could I lose my home to a natural disaster, not have steady employment, not be sure of where today’s food would be coming from for my family and still stand and praise God. Would I have the faith to say “My God is my everything”? I pray that my answer is yes!

On our last two days in Haiti we drove about three hours from Port Au Prince into the mountains to stay at an orphanage in Camatin. It was the first time I ever say a beautiful little girl who today is my third child. While there I was not ready to adopt, I was content with my two precious children and our life. However God had a very different plan for the Fiveash family.

Coming home from Haiti is never easy, it is so hard to come back to American excess, greed and the idea of the American dream. How much square footage does a family really need? How many articles of clothing does one really need? How many pairs of shoes? How many calories does the average American consume on a given day versus what one needs to be healthy? These were all issues I have struggled with over the last year.

I am so thankful God poured his Holy Spirit into me to help me begin to change and transform what it means to be a Christian verses being an American dream Christian. As a result of this slow transformation, remember I am now 40, God is helping me curb my desire for more stuff, more square footage, more food, more money, more of this earth’s offering into a desire to serve Him and seek Him!!

As I began to transform, God began speaking to me about opening my heart to another child, a beautiful little girl from Haiti. In October, our pastor Scott Cagle wrapped up a series on Audacious living with the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Scott asked what are you wrestling with God about. I knew that answer to that question and on October 23, 2011, I surrendered to God and said yes to open my heart and our home to a precious little girl. Patrick had patiently and prayerfully waited for me to surrender to God’s call on our family to adopt. The praying and paperwork began. ( I am excited to say that the American side of our paperwork is drawing to a close.)

A month ago, January 3, 2012, with an amazing group of people I returned to Haiti to serve the people of Haiti and spend the week with my third child, Neica. God in his faithfulness had worked in Neica’s heart to accept the love of her mother.

We had an amazing week together! Neica is such a blend of Zadie and Grey, she is definitely a Fiveash. On the last night I knew Neica and I needed to have some time to talk about my return home without her. As my sweet Haitian friend Marieflore translated for me, my precious daughter with tears rolling down her face told me for the first time I love you mommy and I will miss you. My heart broke and rejoiced at the same time. This little girl who had already experienced abandonment and had built a wall around her heart had allowed her mommy to begin climbing over the wall.

As I sit here on my 41^st birthday I am in awe of all that God has done in the life of my family and me. I am so excited to see what God is going to do in the days, weeks, and months that lay ahead.