One year ago today, on my 40th birthday, my life forever changed.
God had been working on my heart to trust him in all things especially in areas where I am somewhat fearful, say traveling to a third world country. I am not the most adventurous traveler; I inherited that from my father not my mother, but I knew God wanted me to take a trip to Haiti. I paid my trip fees, got all of my shots, got a passport and agreed to take a step of faith.
Prior to leaving on February 5, 2011, I was experiencing a very real attack of the devil. The devil was playing with my fear of traveling with Patrick which left our children behind. What if something happened? How would life play out for Zadie and Grey? I sure was dancing with the devil in regards to my fear of traveling abroad however I was determined to stand in my God’s promise that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him,” Romans 8:28. I stood in his word in the book of Joshua, “be strong and courageous”; you know God tells us those very words four times in the first chapter of Joshua. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go,” Joshua 1: 9.
I knew he would be with me so off to Haiti I went.
There are not books, blogs, videos or pictures that prepare you for Haiti. You come face to face with poverty that is not present in America but what is the most challenging is the faith of Haitian Christians! Could I stand, praise and worship God with these words: “My God is my everything!!” I heard that statement repeated from men, women and children. Could I lose my home to a natural disaster, not have steady employment, not be sure of where today’s food would be coming from for my family and still stand and praise God. Would I have the faith to say “My God is my everything”? I pray that my answer is yes!
On our last two days in Haiti we drove about three hours from Port Au Prince into the mountains to stay at an orphanage in Camatin. It was the first time I ever say a beautiful little girl who today is my third child. While there I was not ready to adopt, I was content with my two precious children and our life. However God had a very different plan for the Fiveash family.
Coming home from Haiti is never easy, it is so hard to come back to American excess, greed and the idea of the American dream. How much square footage does a family really need? How many articles of clothing does one really need? How many pairs of shoes? How many calories does the average American consume on a given day versus what one needs to be healthy? These were all issues I have struggled with over the last year.
I am so thankful God poured his Holy Spirit into me to help me begin to change and transform what it means to be a Christian verses being an American dream Christian. As a result of this slow transformation, remember I am now 40, God is helping me curb my desire for more stuff, more square footage, more food, more money, more of this earth’s offering into a desire to serve Him and seek Him!!
As I began to transform, God began speaking to me about opening my heart to another child, a beautiful little girl from Haiti. In October, our pastor Scott Cagle wrapped up a series on Audacious living with the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Scott asked what are you wrestling with God about. I knew that answer to that question and on October 23, 2011, I surrendered to God and said yes to open my heart and our home to a precious little girl. Patrick had patiently and prayerfully waited for me to surrender to God’s call on our family to adopt. The praying and paperwork began. ( I am excited to say that the American side of our paperwork is drawing to a close.)
A month ago, January 3, 2012, with an amazing group of people I returned to Haiti to serve the people of Haiti and spend the week with my third child, Neica. God in his faithfulness had worked in Neica’s heart to accept the love of her mother.
We had an amazing week together! Neica is such a blend of Zadie and Grey, she is definitely a Fiveash. On the last night I knew Neica and I needed to have some time to talk about my return home without her. As my sweet Haitian friend Marieflore translated for me, my precious daughter with tears rolling down her face told me for the first time I love you mommy and I will miss you. My heart broke and rejoiced at the same time. This little girl who had already experienced abandonment and had built a wall around her heart had allowed her mommy to begin climbing over the wall.
As I sit here on my 41st birthday I am in awe of all that God has done in the life of my family and me. I am so excited to see what God is going to do in the days, weeks, and months that lay ahead.
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